30 Pieces: What are we worth?
One of the Twelve, who was called Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests and said,
“What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?”
They paid him thirty pieces of silver,
and from that time on he looked for an opportunity to hand him over.
The day before the Triduum, I was supposed to wake up at 5 am in order to have time to eat, have coffee, get ready, say a prayer, maybe have some more coffee, and be out of the door by 6 am. I woke up at 5:52 am. This spiraled me into such anger about being late and having to get up at the (butt) crack of dawn. I had to put on my heels so that I could let out my frustration on the hardwood floor as I ran around the house like a mad woman.
At 6:30 am, I found myself sitting in mass, still frustrated, but with myself for getting so angry in the first place. This cycle of frustration and then relentlessly beating myself up about my own frustration has been going on for a while now…it’s happened about 3 times this week alone. But at this mass, I heard a homily that really spoke to my heart.
The priest was talking about the betrayal of Christ. Judas gives Christ away for 30 pieces of silver. He spoke of how Jesus laid down His own life and gave Himself freely. There were countless times in Scripture where the crowds were ready to arrest Jesus then and there, but Jesus always managed to slip away. He illustrated that Jesus in the midst of Judas’ betrayal could have once again slipped away, but He chose not to. The priest went on to state that Judas was really selling himself for 30 pieces of silver, not Christ. Judas sold his own conscience, his own heart.
I began to think about how sad this reality was. It’s easy to see how Jesus Christ is worth more than 30 pieces of silver, but Judas as well is worth more than 30 pieces of silver. Each person in this world is worth more than that, but how often do we not see it? How often do we allow our own self-condemnation rob us of the worthiness of love we possess? Christ has already given all that He is to show us He loves us. So often I see myself and others selling themselves short, selling themselves for 30 pieces of silver because we’re too focused on our sin, our weaknesses instead of looking at ourselves as Jesus does, with eyes of mercy. We can sell our hearts into the slavery of self-hatred, judgment, guilt, condemnation…fill in the blank.
But our hearts have been won. Our darkness has been defeated, and true love and light are shining. As I begin this Triduum and enter into the glory of Easter Sunday, it’s time to lay down the ways I block Christ’s love and allow His love to show me my worthiness. I pray and hope this Easter brings about a resurrection of mercy in your own hearts, for others and for yourself, that you may truly enter into the beauty of who you are.