How Do I Communicate Boundaries With the Man I’m Dating?

I’ll never forget the story of a woman I look up to communicating boundaries on a first date. “I want you to know that I don’t kiss men that are not my boyfriend, and will not have sex before marriage.”

After hearing this story, I felt convicted by this woman’s confidence. She felt strongly about living out the virtue of chastity and wasn’t going to compromise. This could have been the end of her relationship with this man. He could have failed to respond to the boundaries that she placed around her own body, sexuality, and value as a woman. He could have walked away after that first date, rejecting everything she stood for in that moment.

Unfortunately, we live in a culture where this happens often. Many of us will muster up the courage to tell the person we’re dating that we’re living out chastity and it is met with laughter, judgement, and scorn. With the scarce reality of dating in our culture coupled by the fear of being judged and not wanting to lose a guys interest, it might make the thought of communicating boundaries to be intimidating.

I believe that clearly communicating boundaries to the person you’re dating is so important. Women can actually set a beautiful tone in a relationship by communicating how they wish to be respected by the man in their life. The great Archbishop Fulton Sheen said it best,

“When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more noble her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, and goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.”

I believe that communicating boundaries to the person you’re dating is not an isolated event.  In many cases, if you’ve already gotten to a first date with someone, they have some understanding about you. They might even have an idea of the values you hold. Living out the virtue of chastity, striving for purity in our thoughts, words, and actions creates a certain level of transparency in which this conversation can happen with greater ease. Through a lifestyle of sexual integrity, you are inviting respect into your life long before you sit down to discuss boundaries with the man that you’re dating.

Do not be afraid to communicate boundaries clearly and early on in a dating relationship. It will honor him if you are forthright with your intentions and it actually helps him learn how to best care for you! With all of the fear that can come from losing his interest, be affirmed, you are worth a man that would stop at nothing to make sacrifices out of love for you. Remember the story I mentioned in the beginning? Are you dying to know how this man responded to her boundaries? He said he wouldn’t have it any other way. That – my friend – is what you deserve.

Lindsay Fay
Lindsay Fay
Lindsay Fay is a romantic at heart, a student of love, and seeker of the good life. She grew up with two siblings in Huntington Beach, CA. It was in college that a dream rose from the depths of her heart; to convey to women their God-given beauty, purpose, and worth and she hopes to spend her life inspiring women of all ages to walk in their true value. It was through women’s ministry that she encountered the writings of Saint John Paul II, which colored her understanding and perception of the feminine genius. She looks forward to spending the year as a missionary with The Culture Project; where she hopes to witness to the joy-filled life that is found in choosing virtue.